Comfort

Another new day,
Another new year,
It's once more time
To make promises anew...
We used to send cards, remember?
I'd send you one today,
But I stopped buying them
All those years ago,
When life took over,
And 'busy' became our only excuse.


Another new day,
Another new year,
Times have changed so
It is strange
That I don't quite know
When I stopped looking like me
But the face in my mirror
Isn't the one that I remember
It's like I lost myself
Somewhere in the routine.


Another new day,
Another new year,
Do you feel like I do sometimes?
Do you look back on old times
And wish we had done
Just a little more living?
It's not like you don't look happy
In the pictures of you on 'Facebook'
But then again
My pictures lie too.


Another new day,
Another new year;
Yet the seasons still feel the same:
The smell of Spring,
The warmth of Summer,
The rustle of leaves in Fall,
The tingle of the Winter cold.
And I'm glad some things still feel the same
No matter what time makes us,
No matter where time takes us.

Winter Soliloquy

It’s Winter still
The trees are frozen –
Their branches barren – 

The wind is cold,

And the land is still covered in snow...

But there’s hope yet:

In the warmth of wool,

In a cup of hot coffee,

In the smile of a friend

I haven’t talked to in years.

There’s hope yet;

In the comfort of hugs,

In the endless love of a child,

In the selfless love of a parent.

I still wait for Spring,

But there is hope yet;

For Winter isn’t so cold,

Not while the embers stay warm.

Words

Where have all the words gone?
Did I lose them
The way I lost my mind
One thought at a time,
One word at a time;
Or are they scattered,
Are they buried,
Somewhere in the dark recesses
Of my mind,
Refusing to surface,
For fear
Of being left unheard?

Christmas

Do you see the stars tonight?
It's like they shine just for us.
Do you see the twinkle in my eyes?
It's like they left it in my heart.
The leaves crackle
Under my feet,
And there's a nip in the air-
So I lift up the collar
Of my coat;
But I still feel warm inside,
Like I'm right where I belong,
Walking under the russet trees,
Holding your arm...
Listening to the silent night-
To the hiss of the wind,
To the sound of our feet
As we move together.
It's like all that I could wish for
Is right here with you;
I know it's not December,
But it ought to be...
It ought to be Christmas!

I'm Already Out

I tried to tell you...so many times
But it's as if you didn't want to hear
There was always something else to do
It's as if I wasn't even there.
There was always some call to return
There was always something you had to write
That's how you missed what I had to say
Had you looked, you'd have seen it in my eyes

So don't act like you're hurt now
I'm already out
I've told you it's too late now
To turn about

I'm done pretending that everything's alright
It'll never again be like before
All these years took all my words
You want to listen now, I want to talk no more
There's nothing that can hold me back
So don't make promises you'll never keep
I'll never be eighteen anymore
So you know why I won't take this trip


Don't act like you're hurt now
I'm already out
I've told you it's too late now
To turn about

I had heard whispers, you know
About some of your friends and you
And, I swear, on some of the nights
Your clothes smelled like them too
I thought you'd have an explanation
About how it was just a dance
But you never held me like you meant it
So how did we ever have a chance?


You shouldn't act like you're hurt now
I'm already out
I've told you it's too late now
To turn about

I'll move on now...

Sanity

I hear too many voices,

Echo in my head:

Bits and pieces

Of conversation,

Like someone straining

To be heard.

And I hear bullets-

Too sure,

Too quick,

Too close...

You don't see the wound, do you?

But I bleed anyway;

I can feel the trickle,

As it rolls down 

Over my eyes to blind me.

Scarlet patches,

Making me lose my mind;

None can reach me,

None can hear-

It is as if,

I'm within closed walls

That no-one can breach;

Not you,

Even as you stand right here

Before my eyes,

Assessing my sanity.

Liberation

Yeah, yeah,
I heard you alright;
Telling me what to say,
What to wear,
What to think, 
Who to be...
For years you bid
And I obeyed;
You didn't tire,
But I sure did.
You know what?
I'm better off without you.

Forget the Sunscreen

'Forget the sunscreen...
They were right
About not messing too much with your hair',
I tell myself
As I look in the mirror.
Indeed,
That's the one advice
That keeps ringing in my ears.
'The pride and glory of my twenties,
Where art thou?'
I ask my salon trimmed mane;
As it looks right back at me,
Accusing,
For all the years of abuse.

Dear Ms Schwich,
And dear Mr Luhrmann,
Could you, perhaps,
Have awoken me a bit sooner?

Drafts

Myriad thoughts,
Most of them
Stuck right there,
In my throat,
Just short of breaking out,
In words;
Held back,
Like the repressed violence
Of my dreams,
A split second
Before I open my eyes.
That's right-
A part of me is but the sum of
All the drafts,
That still lie half-written
In some corner of my account.

Time

I'd thought it wasn't my time,
Not yet;
But you are right here
Looking at me...
So I might as well stop counting,
The grains of time
That I thought I still held in my fist.
Maybe I should just close my eyes,
Reminisce,
And hold close-
The memory of all the smiles,
And the laughter.
Now at last,
My heart doesn't have room for tears
Or regrets,
As my eyes go still...
My fist opens
To let my clock roll down.

Now at last
I learn to forgive.

Silence

There isn’t so much to tell-

Not anymore-

When today

Is not so different

From yesterday...or even the day before.

Tea and a little something,

For breakfast,

And then sending the guys off.

A few hours of chaos,

With the dog running around;

The maid scrubbing away:

The screech of the scrub against the pots,

Leaving a dull ache in my ears.

Picking up the book,

And opening it on Chapter 8;

The wail of the neighbour’s new baby;

Avoiding the phone once again

(I’m just not big on conversations).

The dog’s in the backyard now,

And the house so silent…

And somehow it’s become my one true friend-

No demands,

No questions,

No expectations...

Just blessed silence,

And me.

(Composed - 29 December, 2009)

Twelve Again

Each blade is tall
And green;
As a mother watches her little girl-
The one I've sometimes seen-
Chasing butterflies through the grass.
I'd chase butterflies too,
But I wait for my friend,
On my side of the wall -
The wall that sits between our homes,
The wall where we sit and talk,
And wonder,
About all the years to come...

I smell green coriander,
Sinking into a pot of yellow lentils,
And hear onion hissing in the pan...
'Maa' must be cooking.
The afternoon is almost spent,
And the sun seems so much nearer;
As if it might touch the earth.
I hear laughter,
From the open field -
It is my sister with her friends;
She has the bicycle,
So she must've fixed the flattened tyre.

I still wait:
I walk around,
I look around...
There are blackbirds around the swing -
Three of them -
But the postman's already gone;
I know all that isn't true anyway:
The "One for sorrow, two for joy..."
Impatience tugs on my arm,
And yet,
Life is beautiful,
For I am twelve again...

Reckoning

It's a burning ache
That bends your strength
And shatters the spine
Of your will
You cry
You die
And yet...death is not an option
But why do you care,
Anyway?
Didn't you say
That your soul was taken already?
So you must wait
Must endure
For it is fate
And yes, it is now your turn
You sowed...and so you shall reap.

Quiet Sits the Night

Quiet sits the night
Against my window:
Not a flutter,
Not a sound,
As if in anticipation
Of something new...
Not unlike me,
As I still wait;
To break out of my cocoon,
And spread my wings
In a world unknown.
I hesitate,
For I know I will fumble.

Perhaps I should just wait-
Just one more day.