I'm Already Out

I tried to tell you...so many times
But it's as if you didn't want to hear
There was always something else to do
It's as if I wasn't even there.
There was always some call to return
There was always something you had to write
That's how you missed what I had to say
Had you looked, you'd have seen it in my eyes

So don't act like you're hurt now
I'm already out
I've told you it's too late now
To turn about

I'm done pretending that everything's alright
It'll never again be like before
All these years took all my words
You want to listen now, I want to talk no more
There's nothing that can hold me back
So don't make promises you'll never keep
I'll never be eighteen anymore
So you know why I won't take this trip


Don't act like you're hurt now
I'm already out
I've told you it's too late now
To turn about

I had heard whispers, you know
About some of your friends and you
And, I swear, on some of the nights
Your clothes smelled like them too
I thought you'd have an explanation
About how it was just a dance
But you never held me like you meant it
So how did we ever have a chance?


You shouldn't act like you're hurt now
I'm already out
I've told you it's too late now
To turn about

I'll move on now...

Sanity

I hear too many voices,

Echo in my head:

Bits and pieces

Of conversation,

Like someone straining

To be heard.

And I hear bullets-

Too sure,

Too quick,

Too close...

You don't see the wound, do you?

But I bleed anyway;

I can feel the trickle,

As it rolls down 

Over my eyes to blind me.

Scarlet patches,

Making me lose my mind;

None can reach me,

None can hear-

It is as if,

I'm within closed walls

That no-one can breach;

Not you,

Even as you stand right here

Before my eyes,

Assessing my sanity.

Liberation

Yeah, yeah,
I heard you alright;
Telling me what to say,
What to wear,
What to think, 
Who to be...
For years you bid
And I obeyed;
You didn't tire,
But I sure did.
You know what?
I'm better off without you.

Forget the Sunscreen

'Forget the sunscreen...
They were right
About not messing too much with your hair',
I tell myself
As I look in the mirror.
Indeed,
That's the one advice
That keeps ringing in my ears.
'The pride and glory of my twenties,
Where art thou?'
I ask my salon trimmed mane;
As it looks right back at me,
Accusing,
For all the years of abuse.

Dear Ms Schwich,
And dear Mr Luhrmann,
Could you, perhaps,
Have awoken me a bit sooner?

Drafts

Myriad thoughts,
Most of them
Stuck right there,
In my throat,
Just short of breaking out,
In words;
Held back,
Like the repressed violence
Of my dreams,
A split second
Before I open my eyes.
That's right-
A part of me is but the sum of
All the drafts,
That still lie half-written
In some corner of my account.

Time

I'd thought it wasn't my time,
Not yet;
But you are right here
Looking at me...
So I might as well stop counting,
The grains of time
That I thought I still held in my fist.
Maybe I should just close my eyes,
Reminisce,
And hold close-
The memory of all the smiles,
And the laughter.
Now at last,
My heart doesn't have room for tears
Or regrets,
As my eyes go still...
My fist opens
To let my clock roll down.

Now at last
I learn to forgive.

Silence

There isn’t so much to tell-

Not anymore-

When today

Is not so different

From yesterday...or even the day before.

Tea and a little something,

For breakfast,

And then sending the guys off.

A few hours of chaos,

With the dog running around;

The maid scrubbing away:

The screech of the scrub against the pots,

Leaving a dull ache in my ears.

Picking up the book,

And opening it on Chapter 8;

The wail of the neighbour’s new baby;

Avoiding the phone once again

(I’m just not big on conversations).

The dog’s in the backyard now,

And the house so silent…

And somehow it’s become my one true friend-

No demands,

No questions,

No expectations...

Just blessed silence,

And me.

(Composed - 29 December, 2009)